And It Continues On.........

so i called my brother tuesday night to fill him in on the upcoming grim news. obviously he knows me too well, he kept asking how i was doing and how i was taking it. i told him that dad was having the petscan on thursday and that i would let him know of any updates or news as soon as i get it. so then my uncle called xmas day, to see if everyone liked what he sent them. and everybody was very happy, especially me....since now i have enough gift cards to get me some new clothes after all this weight loss. so i went ahead and told him about dad's possible condition. so i have to call him back monday as well, to let him know about the test results. so here i stand just waiting for my dad or me to call the dr's office on monday to get the final outcome for what is to come. everything lies on that test result. i am a strong person, i have dealt with alot of adversity in my entire life....from childhood thru the present....i am just wondering if i am strong enough to deal with this if it turns out to what we think it is. my dad was talking yesterday that he will have to make sure all the paperwork is in order, if it is lung cancer that he has. for his life insurance policy thru the navy and if and where he wants his ashes to be spread to. he joked that i could just put him in the cabinet with mom's ashes or with my cat's ashes in the curio cabinet. oh yeah that's freakin hiliarious. I really do need to get an urn for my mom's ashes, unless i do finally decide to have her buried in pa. my great uncle's 2nd wife has the deed to all the plots, so i would need to make a phone call to someone that has not seen me in over 30 some years to ask for one of the plots or to purchase one from her. mind you i have no idea how much it would cost for me to do that, much less how much it would cost me to have the ground dug up and etc. ugh something that i really don't want to think about at all. it was hard enough thinking about her dieing 3 years ago much less think about it again with the possible impending death of my father looming over me. now it makes me rethink everything that will happening or hope to happen for the next 6-7 months. i have a job interview and physical that i have scheduled for feb and i hate to look like someone that makes appts and does not show or to have to cancel it after all this time. i have had this appt lined up for months. so i figure if i am lucky enough to get the job, i will have to convince my father to move with me. i can't leave him behind to fight this thing all on his own. and if i get the job in vb, then he will be centralized near all the navy bases. being he is retired military, he should be cared by military professionals and it would be the least cost to him. but that is if i get the job. if i do not get it, i will put my plans on hold for the move and stay here to see what happens. it's not what i really want to do but it is the right thing to do. and i am sure he would appreciate it. it just means i will be in therapy for a lot longer than i anticipated. because if my father is dieing. i am soooo not ready for this at all. it means i have to deal with stuff that i really don't want to and will just have to suck it up and do it!